When we talk about relationships as young people, we often focus on the good bits: butterflies, Snap streaks, late-night convos, and cute dates. But not every relationship is a fairytale. Sometimes, what starts off feeling exciting can slowly turn into something controlling, scary, or even dangerous.

Abuse in youth relationships is more common than we think — and way less talked about than it should be. The silence around it means too many young people don’t realise what’s happening until they’re deep in it. That’s why we’re breaking it down: the red flags, the healthy signs, and where to go if you need help.

What Is Relationship Abuse?

Relationship abuse isn’t just physical. It can be emotional, sexual, verbal, digital, or financial. It’s when one person in a relationship tries to control, manipulate, or hurt the other person.

In youth relationships, abuse can be hard to recognise because we’re still learning what love and boundaries even look like. Plus, pop culture, music, and social media can blur the lines between “passion” and control.

Let’s be clear: real love should never make you feel scared, small, or silenced.

The Real-World Impact on Young People

According to Women’s Aid and other UK-based organisations, a growing number of young people — aged 16 to 24 — are experiencing abusive behaviours in their intimate relationships. And here’s the thing: abuse doesn’t care about gender, background, or how confident you seem on the outside.

Some key facts:

• One in four teenage girls in the UK has experienced physical abuse from a partner.
• One in five has suffered sexual violence in a relationship.
• Boys and young men also face emotional and physical abuse, but often stay silent due to shame or fear.

This isn’t just about bruises. Abuse affects your mental health, self-worth, education, friendships, and even your ability to trust people in the future.

So how do you spot the signs before it gets deep?

How to Spot the Signs of Abuse in Young Relationships

Here are some red flags that something might be off:

1. Control Disguised as “Care”

• They’re always asking where you are, who you’re with, or checking your location.
• They tell you what to wear, who to talk to, or what not to post.
• They say, “I’m just trying to protect you,” but really, they’re trying to control you.

2. Isolation

• They get annoyed when you spend time with your friends or family.
• They say things like, “They don’t care about you like I do.”

3. Put-Downs and Gaslighting

• They insult you, then say, “I was only joking.”
• They blame you for everything — even their own behaviour.
• They make you feel like you’re overreacting, crazy, or insecure.

4. Jealousy and Possessiveness

• They flip out if you like a photo, talk to someone else, or don’t reply fast enough.
• They constantly need reassurance, but don’t give you any in return.

5. Digital Control

• They demand your phone password.
• They read your messages or track your socials.
• They threaten to expose private photos or convos.

6. Physical and Sexual Pressure

• They push you to do things you’re not ready for.
• They don’t respect your boundaries.
• They use guilt or threats to get their way.

None of these are signs of love — they’re signs of power and control. And they are never your fault.

So What’s a Healthy Relationship Look Like?

Healthy relationships aren’t perfect, but they are respectful, supportive, and safe. Here’s what you should expect in a relationship:

Respect for your opinions, boundaries, and time
Trust — not surveillance
Freedom to be yourself and keep your friendships
Equal say in decisions
Apologies when someone’s in the wrong
Communication that doesn’t make you feel afraid or confused

Love shouldn’t feel like you’re walking on eggshells. It should feel like home — calm, warm, and freeing.

Where Can You Turn If You Need Help?

The hardest part is often reaching out — but know this: you are not alone. You are not weak. And you deserve to be safe.

Here are some places and people you can talk to:

Friends or family you trust

Opening up to someone close can be the first step to getting out of an abusive situation.

Your school, college or uni safeguarding team

Most institutions have trained people you can speak to confidentially.

Youth-focused charities and support lines:

• Childline – Call 0800 1111 or chat online (under 19s, free and 24/7)
• Refuge – National Domestic Abuse Helpline – 0808 2000 247
• The Mix – For under 25s, covering everything from abuse to mental health: 0808 808 4994
• Respect – If you’re a young person who’s being abusive or worried about your behaviour, they can help too.

Police – in an emergency, always call 999

Leaving an abusive relationship can be scary, especially if there’s fear, love, or shared history involved. But you have every right to step away. Healing is possible. And the sooner you step out, the sooner you step into peace.

Final Word

Young love can be beautiful. But it’s not meant to break you down. Abuse in youth relationships is real, but so is your strength. Let’s keep having these conversations, let’s keep supporting each other, and let’s create a culture where love means freedom — not fear.

You matter. Your safety matters. And help is always there when you’re ready to reach for it.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/czj47g8kkm9o

https://insidesuccessmagazine.com/category/health