Inside Success had the pleasure to sit down with Emma, a mother of 3 living in south London. who recently just started her own domestic cleaning business. She shared her story of her son’s involvement with gangs and knife crime.
Her family life
She describes her family life as good, having a close relationship with her 2 youngest children, even being very close. On the other hand, she describes her relationship with her oldest, Quinn, as okay, but it was very strained and difficult in the past due to his involvement with gangs and her calling the police on him.
Changes with her Son
Emma began noticing changes when Quinn was 8, right after she had her youngest daughter. He became very troublesome, hard work, and was just very angry. It became so bad Emma consulted the school, saying he’d just become too hard to manage at home. He later got an ASD (Autism spectrum disorder) and ODD (oppositional defiant disorder) diagnosis. From 8 until the present day, he only got progressively worse.
Quinn Identity Crisis
His relationship with his father played a huge role in Quinn’s behavior. Having his father in and out of his life was a lot of his anger, which made him feel extremely unwanted. He constantly sought his love, approval, and affection, which prohibited him from getting the emotional support and development needed. He was struggling to overcome the symptoms of his ASD whilst also proving his manhood. Despite only being 14 at his time, he felt the need to act maturely around his dad.
She also claimed that Quinn had an identity crisis being a white-passing young man, with kids not believing him to be a mixed race. Quinn later began telling people his father had passed because he found it easier to say than telling people that his dad didn’t want to see him.
Quinn Joins a gang
When Quinn joined the gang he was living with his grandparents, as his relationship with his immediate family had become so strained it became way too difficult for anyone to cope with.
From a mother’s perspective, it was nerve-wracking for Emma. Quinn would commonly disappear, going out of London for days and no one knew of his whereabouts or if he was coming home. It was constant fear and questions wondering whether he was alright when he was coming back or even if he was coming back, had he caused harm. Quinn was very detached, so even Emma would try to speak to him. He would be very dismissive, rude, untrustworthy, inconsiderate and arrogant, seeing no wrong in what he was doing.
Quinn was very paranoid about the police coming and all around loved in a constant state of uncertainty. But he was also very scared as he soon realized how deeply involved he was. The gang life changed him completely, as well as his relationships with his family. He pushed people away and completely isolated himself because of the possibility of something happening to him, and he didn’t want his loved ones to be as hurt. “It was horrible in every aspect.”
2019: An emotional Year
In October 2019, Quinn had just returned from an 8-day trip in Leicester. Around this time, Emma had learnt how serious his involvement was in the gang.
She had called the police, social services, and his father but no one was willing to help. Throughout the entirety of the 8 days, she called him. He would either ignore or dismiss what they had to say. At the time, they had reported Quinn as a missing person, so when the police did get in touch with him and instructed him to go home, he would lash out at his family for contacting the police.
When he returned home, Emma described him to be very cocky, looking filthy, disgusting and tired. Quinn had it in his mind that the police were coming to debrief about being a runaway, however, Emma had made the very hard call to call the police on her son as the last resort to save her son from himself. When the police arrived, she explained the situation to them, providing videos as proof of her claims, however, their response was initially nonchalant. Emma recalls crumbling and breaking down, begging for help out of fear that if no one intervened, her son would be found in a ditch. The officers took sympathy for her case and eventually took him in.
Quinn is arrested
Quinn’s arrest was an emotional, yet revelation moment for Emma. “We heard a commotion coming from Quinn’s bedroom and then we just started to see police officers taking out bags and bags of evidence. There was a knife so big the police didn’t even have a knife box big enough for it. “It was shocking. I knew he was trouble, but seeing those things destroyed me. I knew what he was involved in, but I didn’t know the extent.” They eventually took him to a police station at West End Central, where he was held and questioned for 13 hours.
The night Emma was overwhelmed with emotion, feeling destroyed, disappointed and hurt. When at the police station she found out Quinn had been involved in muggings and was later shown by the CCTV. She was also told that she had to leave her life behind and locate someplace else due to the repercussions of Quinn’s gang affiliation. “I was angry. I wasn’t scared, just angry that Quinn had done this to us and even after the arrest, he still didn’t seem to understand the severity of it.”
Eventually, the case did make it to trial, but the drug and knife possession charges were dropped, so he was only prosecuted for stolen property and muggings. He pleaded not guilty until the day of his trial. Quinn was fined and faced a 2-year suspension sentence.
Emma thoughts on reporting her own Son
Emma did admit that snitching on her own son wasn’t normal, with even police officers commenting on how unshakable the situation was. It was also one of the hardest things she’s ever had to do. “For a long time, I questioned whether I had done the right thing because of the possibility of me grassing him up and ending him up in prison.” But she maintains that she did it to save him. She then argues that there needs to be a big change surrounding the idea of snitching and how parents deal with it.
Where do Emma and her Son stand today
As it stands today, Emma has a good relationship with her son, claiming that they get on well and they can have a good chat. His relationship with his little sister has greatly improved since leaving the gang life behind him, with him now able to take her out, something he couldn’t do before.
When asked whether Emma regrets her decision, she answered no. “I believed that if I didn’t do something, I would have 6-12 months before he was killed. I believed that then and I believe it now. If I had to put him in a cell to stop him from being killed, then that’s what he has to be. I’m just lucky that it was enough to turn him away from it all and not return to that life.”
Conclusion
Her actions have stirred up a mixture of responses from people, but she maintains that she did it purely out of love and never out of hatred. She did at first feel guilty but knew she was doing what was necessary to protect him. “As a parent, you will do anything to protect your child, and sometimes what you need to do isn’t always the best thing for them. But sometimes it’s cruel to be kind.”
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