In a world that’s more connected than ever, building relationships and finding community should be easier, right? We’ve got social media at our fingertips, endless networking events, group chats, community platforms, and more. But ask most young people today and you’ll hear a different story: “I don’t feel seen,” “I don’t know where I belong,” or “I feel like I have to change who I am to fit in.”
So what’s really going on? Why is it so difficult to build authentic relationships and a solid community without feeling like you’re compromising your identity in the process?
Let’s unpack that.
The Pressure to Conform: Identity vs. Acceptance
For many young people, especially those from multicultural backgrounds, identity isn’t just personal—it’s political, cultural, and emotional. Whether you’re a young Black creative navigating a corporate space, a second-gen immigrant trying to honour your heritage while blending into British norms, or a queer person in a conservative environment, the question is the same: How much of myself do I need to hide to be accepted?
We’re told to “network,” to “build connections,” to “find your tribe”—but what if those spaces weren’t built with us in mind? Too often, we enter rooms where we’re the only one who looks like us, thinks like us, or comes from where we come from. And in those rooms, there’s an unspoken pressure to code-switch, to shrink, or to play a version of ourselves that feels more “acceptable.”
That’s where identity gets lost—bit by bit.
The Community We Crave
Despite all the pressure, what young people truly crave isn’t shallow networking—it’s genuine connection. Real community. People who see you and really see you. People who understand where you’re coming from and where you want to go. People you don’t have to explain yourself to all the time.
This kind of community doesn’t just make you feel good—it’s crucial to mental health, confidence, and growth. Having even a few people in your life who affirm you, challenge you, and support you can change everything. Studies show that having strong social support helps with everything from job success to mental resilience. It keeps you grounded.
So why is it so hard to find?
Digital Connections, Real-Life Loneliness
The paradox of our generation is this: We are the most connected generation ever, yet we’re facing an epidemic of loneliness.
We follow each other. We double-tap. We react with emoji. But how many of those people would actually show up for you when things get rough? How many really know you?
Online, it’s easy to create a curated identity. But that performance can be exhausting. And often, it creates a gap between who we present and who we are. That disconnect can leave us feeling more isolated than ever—even in a room full of people or with a timeline full of likes.
So, How Do You Build Without Losing Yourself?
Here’s the truth: You can build relationships and communities that feed your soul—not drain it. But it takes intention. Here’s how:
1. Start with Self-Awareness
Before building outward, build inward. Know who you are, what matters to you, and what lines you’re not willing to cross. Your values are your anchor. If a space or relationship makes you constantly feel like you have to water yourself down, that’s a red flag—not a growth opportunity.
2. Seek Spaces, Not Just People
Not every room is for you—and that’s okay. Whether it’s joining community organisations, collectives, or interest-based groups (music, fashion, entrepreneurship, activism), look for spaces where you’re not the “only one.” Your people exist. Sometimes you just need to look outside of the default spaces.
3. Be Real First
Vulnerability builds trust. That doesn’t mean oversharing—but being your authentic self encourages others to do the same. Start with honesty, and you’ll attract the right kind of energy. You don’t need to perform your value—your presence is enough.
4. Remember, It’s Okay to Outgrow People
Not every relationship or group is meant to last forever. If you find yourself constantly drained, disrespected, or overlooked, it’s okay to move on. That doesn’t make you fake—it makes you brave.
The Power of Representation and Role Models
One of the most powerful tools for young people trying to build community without losing their identity is seeing people who’ve already done it.
Artists like Little Simz, activists like Munroe Bergdorf, entrepreneurs like Steven Bartlett—they’ve all faced identity challenges and still found ways to build authentic connections, community, and purpose. They didn’t conform to fit in. They redefined the space around them.
Let their stories remind you: You don’t need to fit in to succeed. You can build your own lane—and bring others with you.
Final Word: You Belong. Fully.
Here’s the truth every young person deserves to hear: You don’t have to trade your culture, your voice, or your truth to build meaningful relationships or community. Your identity is not a weakness—it’s your greatest strength.
Find people who remind you of that. Be that reminder for someone else.
You can build, grow, and thrive as you are. And when you do it with people who truly see you? That’s not just community.
That’s power.
https://www.youngminds.org.uk/young-person/coping-with-life/friends
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.